five things

Farewell.

2008-11-16T11:15:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm announcing my final posting here at “Your Friendly Neighborhood Mac Guy”. Effective immediately, I am effectively closing both “Your Friendly Neighborhood Mac Guy” and it’s second-cousin-twice-removed site, “Five Things”. Neither blog is going away, I’ll keep them up as long as Blogspot allows it. the same crap content you know and love will now be found at my new blog, “Spicy Brown” – http://spicybrown.deepmustard.com.

It’s been a terrific run since I started way back in… harumphharumph. This decision did not come easily for me, since being here is something that I've loved to do since I discovered my voice here on the Internet. There have been a few reasons for doing this and I hope you all switch your bookmarks over to the new site.

Finally, to quote Babe Ruth, who's pictured here:

"There's been so many lovely things said about me, and I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to thank everybody. Thank you."

Q&A:

Q: Why are you shuttering two sites?

A: I have a long commute back and forth to work. As a result, my blogging time has shrunken dramatically. There’s also my family; for some strange reason they want to spend more time with me.

Q: What happens to all that crap content you’ve posted?

A: They will still be available at http://macfixer.blogspot.com and http://five-things.blogspot.com -- until Blogspot pulls the plug.

Q: Where can I locate you?

A: I’m always available at http://www.deepmustard.com.

Q: I love you, run away with me!

A: First off, that’s not really a question, secondly, I’m already happily married, thank you very much.

Q: Are you done yet?

A: Yes.

5 More Rejected References From The Beastie Boys' "Paul's Boutique"

2008-11-15T06:48:00.000-08:00

"More adidas sneakers than Reagan's got jelly beans..."
"Got more rhymes than my beeper's got beeps..."
"More flavor than the prune in Dr. Pepper..."
"Step to me and I'll back the heck down..."
"In the back of the ride and I'll provide the OJ"

5 Things I Wish I Could Do, Period.

2008-11-15T06:46:00.000-08:00

Make origami paper cranes.
Play slide trombone.
Juggle.
Beat the original "Super Mario Brothers" game.
Drive 55 (ha!).

5 Things That Rhyme With 'Orange'

2008-11-15T06:45:00.000-08:00

5 Rules For Dogs And Property

2008-10-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

If I like it, it’s mine.
If it's in my mouth, it’s mine.
If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
If I buried it somewhere, it must not have been yours anyway.

5 Things I'll Miss About Grandma

2008-10-20T13:46:00.000-07:00

Note: My grandmother passed away on February 22, 2008. Tomorrow she'll be buried at sea, and I wanted to pass on some fond memories to you.

The smell of mothballs in her house.
The box of Luden's cough drops she always carried in her purse.
Her tounge sticking out whenever I tried to take her picture.
The best meatballs ever cooked by a Lithuanian.
Her Boston accent, since she only spoke, in her words, "The Queen's English".

5 Things Rob Base Want You To Do (According To "It Takes Two")

2008-10-11T17:38:00.000-07:00

Bring all the suckers, 'cause all them he'll stomp.
It won't hurt to listen to Red Alert.
Take off your shirt, make sure it don't hit the dirt.
Go to the Wiz and select it.
Take it off the rack, if it's wack put it back.

5 Reasons I'm Not Voting McCain / Palin (whether they're true or not!)

2008-10-11T13:30:00.000-07:00

Dude looks like he cool keel over any second now. Should they have a second-string candidate?
McCain has one 'Nam flashback, and he's pressing the red button. Who knows where those ICBMs are headed? Goodbye, Baltimore!
Palin's whole MILF factor makes me uncomfortable. It's like voting for Angelina Jolie...
It kind of negates the whole "Obama is the Messiah" thing that's going on. Everyone likes a happy ending.
Al Gore invented the internet; didn't become president. McCain invented the Blackberry! -- See where I'm going with this? Inventors have no time for puny stuff like presidency...

5 Videos You Will Always See On "America's Funniest Videos" On Any Given Night

2008-10-05T05:06:00.001-07:00

Grandpa losing his dentures.
A kid trying to hit a piñata, but instead smacking somebody's nuts.
Dogs and cats not getting along.
A baby with some sort of food item in it's hair.
Somebody slipping on ice and falling down... hard.

5 Things You Can't Shout In A Crowded Movie Theater

2008-10-05T05:02:00.000-07:00

"Fire!"
"Hey, Who farted?"
"Don't go in there! He's got an axe!"
"These aren't Raisinettes! I asked for Raisinettes!"
"Hello? I can't talk now... I'm watching a movie... Hello? Can you - can you hear me? A moooovie... Yeah, I'm at the movies now..."

5 Windows Apps I Wish Were On The Mac

2008-09-21T04:31:00.000-07:00

Paint.NET
Picasa
Internet Explorer 7
Microsoft Access

Filemaker Pro

Google Chrome

5 Soft Drinks I Really Miss

2008-09-11T03:18:00.000-07:00

5 Tunes That Take Me Back To Band Camp, circa 1990

2008-09-10T09:45:00.001-07:00

Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock - "It Takes Two"
Sylvia and Mickey - "Love Is Strange"
Meat Loaf - "Paradise By The Dashboard Light"
Rockmaster Scott and the Dynamic Three - "The Roof Is On Fire"
Jungle Brothers - "I'll House You"

5 People I Imagine Would Be At An Orgy

2008-08-18T01:51:00.000-07:00

"The Stache" - The man with entirely too much body hair. Seems entirely over-confident.
"The Model" - Has a body that's entirely too perfect, like Michaelangelo's David.
"The Prude" - Sits in the corner, fully clothed. You're not quite sure why they're even there.
"The Star" - Their performance is a little over the top, done for the entertainment of the rest of the crowd.
"The Woody Allen" - This person cannot locate a partner. Spends the evening fumbling around in the dark and knocks over an antique lamp. Apologizes profusely.

5 Things That Let Me Know I'm Old

2008-08-16T18:02:00.001-07:00

I hate about 90% of the music of today.
No desire to hang out at the mall anymore.
Black socks and sandals seem like reasonable footwear.
A lot of my stories start with "When I was your age..."
Anything "retro" was new when I was younger.

5 Things The "My Buddy" Doll Would Do If He Was A Real Buddy

2008-07-29T01:57:00.000-07:00

Spot you $10 at the bar when you were short.
Be your wingman when trying to pick up girls.
Donate a kidney to you, since you both had the same blood type.
Provide a solid alibi, in case the cops were asking.
When you broke up with your girlfriend, tell you how much of a bitch she was, and how much better off you were without her.

5 Things That Let You Know The Relationship Is Over

2008-07-20T16:52:00.001-07:00

A swift kick in the groin.
The holiday gifts go from "jewelry" to "ring pop".
She tells you on Facebook.
'Your song' goes from Etta James' "At Last" to Greg Kihn's "The Breakup Song (They Don't Write 'Em)"
There's a garage sale going on outside your house, but it's just your stuff, and it's all free.

5 Songs That Can Be Heard At Timeout During An NBA Game

2008-07-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

Salt N' Pepa - "Push It"
Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock - "It Takes Two"
Gary Glitter - "Rock N Roll (Part 2)"
Tag Team - "Whoomp! There It Is"
Village People - "YMCA"

5 Rejected References From The Beastie Boys' "Paul's Boutique"

2008-07-06T10:09:00.000-07:00

"Got more rhymes than Fran's got Drescher"
"Got more flavor than a communion wafer"
"More funky than Barry White's underarm"
"The girl was hotter than Patrick Ewing's jockstrap"
"Serve you on a platter like Kraft food dinner"

5 Things That I Hate About Facebook

2008-07-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

The people you want to connect with aren't using Facebook, and the folks you want to avoid are.
Poking somebody isn't as cool as the name suggests.
No, I do not wish to play Scrabulous -- stop asking me!
It's just like a High School reunion (where everybody around you seems to be living a better life than you, is skinnier than you, and drives a better car than you), except you're not having to wait 10/15/20 years to have that rubbed in your face.
No, really -- stop asking me to play Scrabulous! It's getting annoying!

5 Things I Love About My iPod Shuffle (even though they all start with 'No')

2008-07-06T05:48:00.000-07:00

No getting distracting with what song to listen to -- it's 1 playlist, and it's shuffling, period.
No getting involved with rating my songs while playing -- there's no way to rate the songs.
No worries about having album art -- there's no display anyway.
No display means better battery life, can play it for 3 hours of commuting as well as 8 hours of work without breaking a sweat.
No shiny mirror back to scratch -- I just clip it to my shirt and take it with me.

5 Apps I Wished Apple Would Buy And Make Part Of The OS

2008-06-24T13:22:00.000-07:00

Growl
VLC
Parallels
Bento
Docktop

5 Things That Will Always Happen At An Elementary School Concert

2008-06-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

The entire tuberculosis ward will be in the audience, ruining any audio recording being made.
Your view of the stage will always be obscured by a camcorder-wielding overzealous parent.
No matter which side of the auditorium you sit on, it will be the wrong side and you won't be able to see your child.
A baby will cry. Loudly. Any attempts to bring that baby out of the auditorium will result in a weird, Doppler-effected wail on the way out, similar to a fire truck racing down a street with it's siren blaring.
Which ever group your child is in, that group will always be performing last on the program.

5 People I Thought Were Straight, But Aren't

2008-06-03T14:06:00.001-07:00

Cesar Romero
Neil Patrick Harris
Richard Chamberlain
Miss Cleo
Cat Cora from “Iron Chef America”

Related: 5 People I Thought Were Gay, But Aren't

5 Favorite VitaminWater Flavors (In No Particular Order)

2008-05-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

Formula 50 (grape)
Revive (fruit punch)
XXX (Acai-Blueberry-Pomegranate)
B-Relaxed (Jackfruit-Guava)
Defense (Lemon-Ice) [R.I.P.]